I stumbled upon this while searching for a particular feminist quote I enjoy in the friendzone tag:
Um. No. Just no to all of this. NO. Let’s break this whole load of shit down, shall we?
First of all, why is female in quotes? If a female behaves in a way that doesn’t work to your advantage, does that mean she’s not really a female? No one but a person with any sort of feminine gender has the right to say what a female is, and what being a female means to them. So deeming a group inferior and not ‘real females’ was a rather shitty way to start off a shitty post.
It’s upsetting that it begins by saying he’s ‘done and finished.’ Because the next huge bit talks about very legitimate problems: how there is a cultural, institutionalized pattern of abuse and other mistreatment against women. No wonder she doesn’t want to be in another relationship—do you think if you were the victim of violence you’d have an easy time trusting again? Of course not. Did you ever consider that the pattern of misogyny is why you’re experiencing this problem in the first place, and your current ‘freindzoning’ complaints are only perpetuating that misogyny? Apparently not, because instead of anger at the sexist system, the rest of the post is just a victim-blaming, slut-shaming tantrum.
I’m assuming the ‘GREAT’ guy she’s ignoring is anyone who identifies with this post. Well, if you keep writing arrogant, sexist bullshit like this, you’re definitely not as great as you think you are. A lot of people can pick up on that; no wonder they don’t want to be with you. But maybe this mentality was just a one-time slip up when you were mad and not thinking clearly—maybe you actually are a great guy. Even in that case, if she doesn’t want to date you, SHE DOESN’T WANT TO DATE YOU. You’re going to have to fucking accept that. You can be the greatest guy ever; that doesn’t mean you’re the greatest for her. I know rejection hurts, but you have to understand she’s not ‘friendzoning’ you to punish you, she really just does not want to sleep with you or date you or whatever the hell it was.
Now, who even says the female is in a relationship with the guy she’s fucking two hours later or whatever? If she wants to have casual sex you’re going to have to accept that too. You have no right to have a monopoly on her sex life, especially since you’re NOT EVEN TOGETHER. She said no to you, remember? On the other hand, maybe she is in the relationship with this supposed ‘asshole.’ I would urge you to consider if you think he’s an asshole because he’s essentially cockblocking you. The situation could also be that you legitimately just think he’s a bad guy, but she thinks he’s good. Again, not your place to make decisions for her. And maybe it turns out that he is an asshole to her. In this case, if you actually did care about her, you would TRY TO HELP HER, rather than throwing a jealous fit and shaming her for her decisions.
The next bit that says, ‘Dear females’ is also really distressing because it makes so many generalizations. That all females have behaved in this way, that all females want to be with men, and that this situation only occurs with the genders in these roles. That’s clearly not true—women can feel ‘friendzoned’ also, it’s just not so much a symptom of sexism based oppression. In fact, this post sort of proves that it can work the other way as well, because it sets up a basis for being able to say females aren’t ‘good’ because their sex lives function in a way that doesn’t immediately benefit you! Not all females are looking for ‘the good guys,’ and if they are somehow doing something to make the not so good likes of you scarce, then I applaud them.
The only part of this I agree with is the end. Yep, thanks for exposing yourself as a New Found Asshole. We all appreciate it. Now it’s easier to spot you and stay the fuck away. Because you have a right to feel disappointed if you don’t get to sleep with and/or date a certain girl, but you do not have the right to villainize and shame her for exercising her right to not sleep with and/or date you.
Even this horrible word, ‘friendzone,’ implies that you started in a more intimate zone, and she was forced to remove you from it. You don’t get to feel entitled to intimate relationships with a woman and then feel punished when she tells you you’re not entitled because—guess what—that attitude is the reason so many women have been in abusive situations, it’s why we constantly need to be on our guard around strange men, it’s why many of us are wary to begin relationships in the first place.
So, New Found Asshole, next time you think you’ve been ‘friendzoned,’ try to remember the reason it happened was you.
